June 15, 2011
by Paul Anovick
When you?re faced with a conversation about a performance review or letting someone go or regarding a critical moment in a relationship, and you are avoiding this meeting, you have a difficult conversation. The avoidance is a good indicator that you have concerns about the impact of the conversation or fear of the reaction. What should you do. The following are several suggestions that have helped me overcome and effectively deal with difficult conversations.
1. Give the bad news up front. In the case of letting someone go from a job it should not be a surprise; therefore, you both know why you are there. So no small talk, announce the bad news up front.
2. Be prepared for a bad reaction. This means you should be emotionally prepared to deal with the response. Stay calm, listen and speak softly to keep the situation under control.
3. Do not play the ?blame game?. If it is a performance review, the goal is not to judge who is right or wrong, but to manage better outcomes in the future.
4. Respect the person you are talking to. The focus is on behaviors not character destruction. Always treat the individual, as you would want to be treated.
5. Do not react to ?tactics?. Lying, threatening, crying, shouting and silence are all tactics on the spectrum from passive to aggressive. It is important you do not respond in kind. Recognize what is being done and respond accordingly.
6. We try to oversimplify the problem. If it weren?t complicated, it probably wouldn?t be so difficult to talk about.
7. Project in your mind 3 months or 5 years from now. This will make the conversation less daunting. Perspective is needed.
8. Use inquiry to better understand the other person. Have an attitude of discovery and curiosity.
9. Acknowledgment. Show that you?ve heard and understand where the other person is coming from and what concerns them.
10. Be a problem solver. Work together to create sustainable solutions.
11. Do the right thing.
12. Calm your mind. Focus on how this is going to help the other person.
What kind of difficult conversations are you grappling with and how are you dealing with them successfully?
Coach Anovick Developing Potential, Producing Results. Your comments and feedback are appreciated. Coach Anovick, 201.445.2822.
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