(TALENT) Programming -- What's That Smell?

6-15-2012

Ronald T. Robinson

Back in the days of our "crazed yuppie" phase ? a time of foolish spending and (presumed) never-ending incomes ? my wife and I were partners in a stable that ran standard-bred racehorses. One of the benefits of owning these pacers was the right to wander around the backstretch and through the barns. On the more chilly mornings, we learned quickly to watch for steaming, equine deposits throughout the stables ? the "road apples." The radio equivalents are what we call "spots."

According to informed, insider sources, spots are necessary for a radio enterprise to survive. They are, nevertheless, dropped all over audiences -- complete with an extremely unpleasant stench and an acidic property, enough so to make a few eyes water. The proposition can be easily made, however, that as noxious as they may be, they still might be important factors in the success of the project.

The business of breeding, training, and racing horses is, unlike radio, extremely competitive. That crowd will hire -- at significant cost -- equine veterinarians and lab-techies to study horse poop in order to determine the health of the animals. This, since sick horses tend to forego the thrill of arriving in the winners' circle with their proud, profiting owners. Radio tends to pretend that our kaka ? the spots ? don?t even exist and, as such, require not even passing consideration, never mind examination.

I say music radio, in particular, is non-competitive because, based on overwhelming evidence, stations are still tripping over themselves to under perform each other. At this, they are succeeding. Somewhere, there may even be a station mission statement that reads, "Doing as little as we can to remain like the rest."

When I was a teen working part-time at my local station, and before I was permitted to go "live" on the air, I was allowed to record some spots. I have often made the claim that the spots I read then are the same spots I read last week. The only difference being the placement of the decimal in the price point. Otherwise, the vocal approaches are the same. The advertiser claims of omnipotence are the same. The pacing of the reads are the same. The requirements placed on the audiences are the same. The structures of the language patterns in the copy are the same. The emotional elements of the spots are the same -- especially when they are missing entirely. The maddening and crippling overload of content also continues -- as if we were the newspaper-of-the-air.

To wit, the following radio commercial: "The most incredible sale of all time is happening now at WTF Sports. It?s the WTF Sports 'Never Again Sale!" We will never have a sale like this again -- ever. You?ll save 20, 30, 40 -- up to 50 percent off  every piece of equipment in the entire store. You?ll save on baseball, football, basketball, tennis and racquetball equipment. You?ll save 20, 30, 40 -- up to 50 percent off skis, snowboards, skateboards, and rollerblades. That?s right -- up to half price! Plus, you have a limited time to save 30 percent on selected fashions from all the top-name brands -- while quantities last. This is your last chance to save like never before. The "Never Again Sale!" -- only at WTF Sports. Just four blocks south of the north ramp to west 42nd street. Visit us on the Web at WTFSports.com. Don?t Miss It!!"

The first trick for the announcer is in getting all that into a 30-second read. The client insists. (Fortunately, we have ProTools.) The rhetorical question, meanwhile, that has to follow is: Was this spot produced in Sacramento, New York, Toronto, Vancouver, Whitefish, Montana, or Grizzly Groin, Alaska? As any professional reading this article can guess: Any and/or all of them. Added to the grievance is the fact that such a spot is only one in a series that have been ghettoized into a long, painful period of continuous listening that stations are foisting on an otherwise hopeful audience.

My dad often used to say, "Son, you can only buff a stool to so-high a gloss." But, we don?t even have people to bring on a shine. We just drop them (the spots) off and let them sizzle and stink to high heaven right where they are. No spit. No polish. No buffing. No glossing. No ownership. No problem. And yet we complain we can?t pass inspection. Even a shiny stool will, after all and at least, draw some attention.

I wonder, though, if any astute followers of radio are willing to identify and consider the issues with that (above) commercial and, perhaps, provide a list in a commentary.

Meanwhile, although it may seem harsh, racehorses that either under performed or were unhealthy and couldn?t be brought back, were not tolerated. By that, I mean they were not kept in the stables for long. Some would be put through a series of diminishing-price-claiming races to see if any other owners were willing to attempt to bring them around. At some point, however, they were entered into a race that was euphemistically referred to as "The Dr. Ballard?s Stakes." Futures, for most, were grim.

While heresy to say so, I contend the commercials we produce for our clients are as, or possibly more, important and essential an element of our broadcast programming as any other we provide. Yet, when more time and effort goes into the production of promos and contests than to the spots, one can only presume the priorities are still, shall I say, somewhat askew.

The environment and subjective realities of the backstretch would be completely unrecognizable, foreign and, for some, distasteful to a newcomer or a member of the betting public. It is a protected and closed environment that has its own expectations, codes of behavior, and rules of engagement. The public is only exposed to the horses and drivers when they first appear, in the post parade, and then at the gate. Everything else about their world is a fairly well-kept secret.

Music radio does sport some similarities. An example of that would be that the results of everything we do are ultimately available to the public in whatever comes out of the box. Plus, as our story is in our stools, as well, any even perfunctory examination would point to extreme ill health. So far, and as far as I know, we in radio still remain somewhat luckier. When things go very badly in the racing world, responses are harsher. They shoot horses. Don?t they?

Ronald T. Robinson has been involved in Canadian Radio since the '60s as a performer, writer and coach and has trained and certified as a personal counsellor. Ron makes the assertion that the most important communicative aspects of broadcasting, as they relate to Talent and Creative, have yet to be addressed. Check out his website www.voicetalentguy.com

Add a Comment Send This Story To A Friend

View the original article here